Going Deeper/Wider ...

Dear All:

To Be, and Just to Be -- and to "Go Deeper/Wider"? (With apologies to Hamlet.)

The fourth question in the preparatory email from Paul and Christina, via Joan, for the meeting next week is "What would help you now to deepen and widen your practice at this point?"

Every time I entertain such a thought of a "deeper, wider" practice, it suggests I need to "DO/LEARN/MASTER something", that something is "inadequate" with my practice as it is now, that I need to "GO deeper, wider" -- "get better".

So, for me, the question itself poses a conundrum. What does it mean to "go deeper, wider"? What is the "object" or "goal" at this point? The very question suggests, at some level, that I should be striving to improve myself, my practice, my being-ness somehow -- that there's something inadequate now -- that my practice is too "shallow" or "narrow". And yet, I sense in my daily life how much my practice -- as it is now, as I am now -- supports me in my life, and how grateful I am for "things as they is". How do I hold on to that awareness, and not get caught up in dissatisfaction with what is, striving for betterment?

I regret I can't attend the meeting on the 12th, but I hope it is "successful" and that there will emerge some sort of an organized post-grad process.

Best regards, Jay